meh. i could stop writing right now and that one word could sum up my entire being. meh.

caffeine addiction sucks.
not eating dairy (although i miss ice cream and cheesecake) is awesome.
i hate my job (but what else is new).
i miss my friends and niece. so far away. : (

like i said, meh.

yesterday was day 3. the craving began, but i indulged in as many tortilla chips with salsa as a girl could eat. didn't think it through, the chipotle was pretty spicy and i was very uncomfortable for the next 2 hours! anyway...it worked as far as the dairy craving went.

so off to begin day 4! woo-hoo!

Day 2 - Dairy free

ok, already i feel a difference. could be psychological. i don't think so though. the puffiness in my face (especially around the eyes) is already subsiding. and my thinking is not as fuzzy as usual. i've been told it takes 7 days to clear the effects of dairy from one's system. so, i should be feeling pretty damn good by then.

a few passing thoughts of cheese. slight feelings of unfairness, "others can eat cheese, why can't i" feelings. no real cravings yet, but i am being very liberal in my diet otherwise to help myself feel less deprived. once i get over the dairy cravings, then i will tackle gluten.

it is amazing, though, how much junk food has dairy in it. my diet is already vastly improved for that reason alone! *chuckle*

ok, day one without dairy. piece of cake. however, from previous experience, i know that this is the calm before the storm. the real cravings kick in about day three. i am determined however, since my love for all things dairy has been answered with naught but torment and abuse. so, fingers crossed.

am feeling most unfulfilled today

homesick and dissatisfied with my life and work and yet completely unmotivated to change anything

not complacent or resigned, but impotent

maybe i just need a nap

or maybe i just need a man

meh

current mood: suspended twixt life and lethe
current music: incessant disgruntled grumbling under my breath